operation skinny bitch

It’s less than a month until July 4th and I STILL haven’t reached my goal. I’ve accepted that I’m not going to be at my high school weight, but GOD! Look at the picture. You’d think that since I’ve been working out like it’s my job, I’d be a little thinner than this. But it’s the food. I just can’t stop stuffing my face. Late last night, after a crappy day of having my car towed, I was feeling sorry for myself. So I drove up to Centre Street, and like a woman possessed, I was transported into Charlie Chan’s. (Despite my constant eating, I never go to these kind of skeeve holes.) But once there, I ordered a Pu Pu Platter for one. It came in a grease soaked brown paper bag, and once opened, a sea of deep fried, not goodness, but nastiness, tumbled out. I was repulsed. (And I also had a fleeting thought about an article I read in the Metro about Chinese restaurants that were busted for serving cat, which pretty much sealed the deal.) So I threw the “food” in the trash, went home and went to bed.

I know I’m supposed to love myself, but all I can see are my fat thighs and my saggy boobs.

I’ve had enough of the extremes. I’m either eating clean or I’m eating dirty. And when I say I’m like a woman possessed, I’m kind of not joking. Something comes over me and my rational mind shuts off. (Does this happen to you? I’m so curious about how other people are triggered to eat…let me know.) I forget about the bikini and the jeans and I just think of the immediate gratification. I want the bad feelings to go away, and for a brief moment, the food usually comforts me. Soon after, my stomach is full, but the emptiness is still there. Throughout this process, I’ve realized what an emotional eater I am. I’m kind of shocked at how often I eat because I feel sad, and even more shocked at how often I feel sad. I’ve got to change my thought patterns. I’ve got to start embracing the positive and feeling gratitude for all the good things in my life. So, despite the cold and the rain which usually brings me down, I’m going to try to be positive. (I know a life coach would tell me not to “try” just “do” but geez Louise, that’s the best I can do for today.)

Do I look skinnier from the side?

So now it’s time to take this yo-yoing, and I guess that’s really what it is, out of my dieting repertoire. Tonight I take a trip to Whole Foods to kick off Operation Skinny Bitch, and I’d like you to join me. Your mission, ladies and fat gentlemen, if you choose to accept it, is to first track your food intake online. Go to www.myfitnesspal.com and become a member. (It’s free!) Once there, click on “find members” in the tool bar. Type in my user name “christyannbetit” and add me as a friend. We can see each others progress, encourage each other, and have some accountability. Second, go weigh in, take your measurements, and take a picture of yourself (preferably in a bathing suit) so you’ll have many ways of measuring your progress. I know it’s scary, but once you check under the bed, the monster‘s usually not there. And if he is, pull him out into the light, and I bet he won’t be nearly as frightening as you thought. Third, comment about your challenges and your triumphs on my blog. I’ll be asking you how you’re doing, and I’m hoping you’ll be open and honest about your process because it will help everyone involved. Finally, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ll be taking the first step toward greater confidence and a greater sense of control. Once we’ve reached our one month goal, maybe we can get together and celebrate (with water and a celery stick – he, he)! Now GO because this blog will self destruct in 5 seconds.